That means that he doesn’t owe you a thing. You don’t ever have to take care of your son again. Katie: You’ve just found a wonderful truth within you. Sally: It’s truer that I do want to take care of him-even when I don’t like what he’s doing. No, it’s probably not true that I have to take care of him. Katie: Is it true that you have to take care of your son? Who makes you do it? Sometimes I just don’t even want to be a mom. Sally: Isn’t it depressing to think that I have no control over anything? I mean, why should I even try? I get so frustrated that I don’t even want to be there taking care of him. The effect of this thought is anxiety, frustration, and depression. Even though you don’t have control over anything, you think you should. Katie: You said, “I don’t have any control over it.” That’s what goes against your grain. The truth is I haven’t been able to control what he does. “You’re responsible for your children’s choices”- is that true? ![]() Katie: The beautiful thing about this Work is that it’s your truth as a parent, not the world’s, that we’re about to deal with. Katie: Inquiry is for people who really want to know the truth. As a parent, I am responsible for my children’s choices and their consequences and for the people they become. I can’t just let him do whatever he wants. ![]() Sally: I get it, but it goes against my grain not to say anything. ![]() For eight years, you’ve been giving him guidance. Do you hear yourself? You are such an influence on his life. He doesn’t do his chores like I’ve told him to every day for the last eight years. Sally : My son irritates me when he’s not responsible. ![]() Katie: Okay, let’s see what cause we’re dealing with-what confused thoughts you’re believing that aren’t true for you and therefore leave you depressed. Sally: I’m looking for a way to work through my depression. You might believe that it’s only for their own good, but how does it feel when you try to manipulate the people you love? Are you teaching them that your love is conditional? Maybe through inquiry we can find another way.” -Byron Katie “In the next dialogue, Sally explores some of the thoughts about parenting that we’ve believed for centuries: ‘My kids should do what they’re told.’ ‘Children aren’t supposed to lie.’ ‘Parents know what’s best.’ … As you read, think of the people in your family whom you’ve tried to mold or change.
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